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Everybody
in This Town is Drunk
 Super heroes, talking pigs, and the criminally sweaty: Milwaukee's Summerfest is a proletarian bash of epic proportions. Leave it to classicwisconsin, dear subscriber, to take you inside the belly of the beast.
Nobody knows Summerfest like entertainer Pat McCurdy, so when Wisconsin's favorite troubadour sings "everybody in this town drunk tonight," you can take his word for it:
They're driving on the sidewalks
And pissing in gardens
They're saying "Excuse me"
And begging your pardon
Everybody in this town is drunk tonight
McCurdy has been a Summerfest standout for more than a decade. His quick wit and songwriting talent (Thankless Bastard, Goofy Town, Sex and Beer) have earned the Milwaukee native a highly devoted and boisterous following throughout the Midwest. McCurdy, along with his faithful soundman known as Pipe Jim, performs at least twice daily at Summerfest.
 In an interview for the book
Classic Wisconsin Weekends, McCurdy offered his festival insight, including what it's like to share the Piggly Wiggly stage with an enormous pig head:
"The pig presents endless possibilities," McCurdy said. "One year they put a speaker in the pig's mouth. They could turn off the rest of the PA and I was the voice of the pig. It had a huge reverb, like the voice of God."
McCurdy sees Summerfest from the unique vantage point offered on stage.
"The afternoon show is a real mix of people -- kids to senior citizens. It's a challenge because I want to entertain everyone. If they stay for one song, then they'll understand what's going on, that it's not going to be serious. I'm kind of making fun of everything, but gently. I don't want to be hateful. I want everyone to leave smiling."
And take it from classicwisconsin, by closing time the smiles have usually progressed into shit-eating grins.
"The nighttime shows are usually the wildest," McCurdy said. "I've been flashed, people have come up on stage in super hero outfits. One night, for some reason, women decided to take off their underwear and the stage was covered with bras."
McCurdy explained how Summerfest inspired one of his popular songs.
"We were leaving one night after the fireworks, and it takes like an hour to get out of there, in this huge group of traffic I thought, you know about 90 percent of these people are probably drunk, or a little drunk. So I wrote a song that night called 'everybody in this town is drunk.' It's kind of a dirge."
They're walking on tightropes
Just like in the circus
They're screaming obscenities
From cars with no purpose
Everybody in this town is drunk tonight
What McCurdy dutifully reported in his song is oh so familiar to the million people who set Summerfest attendance records last year -- yes, 1 million people, 1 friggin' million people sweatin' like hell in the July sun -- that maybe we take for granted the enormous bash whose roots are buried deeply in Milwaukee's working-class traditions.
One telling point comes when Summerfest draws to a close and the event proudly releases its "fun facts": festival attendance was 1,022,250 people; grounds crew collected over 85,000 pounds of garbage; patrons used 7,800,000 feet of toilet paper (that's 1,477 miles).
But missing from these carefully compiled and potentially numbing factoids is the spirit that transcends the festival. Summerfest is a subculture.
Consider, for example, people who establish websites devoted solely to their Summerfest experiences and count the days to the next event: Here's a picture of Mindy eating her second gyro from Zorba's.
 Consider the groups, strangers otherwise, who meet at the same time and beer tent year after year like members of a shirtless fraternal order. Hey dude, what's up? Not much. Me either.
Consider the men and women who feel Summerfest is the ideal venue to meet -- and marry. Dearly beloved, we are gathered by the Alligator On A Stick stand to join in matrimony and a round of Miller Lites... In 2000, ten couples were married on the Ticketmaster Legends stage as observers picked roasted corn from their teeth and cracked wise from the nearest beer stand. Summerfest discontinued its weddings in 2001, but nothing's stopping you from a do-it-yourself ceremony.
They're making chorus lines
up and down Main Street
Swaying and staggering out of control
They're spitting and swearing
and laughing at everything
Laughing at me and you
And there is another detail missing from the aforementioned factoids -- the amount of beer consumed. While the "fun facts" are released with fanfare, the quantity of beer sold from the 28 beer vendors is never, ever revealed and bartenders are prohibited from speaking to the media. It's Summerfest's version of "don't ask, don't tell," which is laughable considering: 1) This is Milwaukee, for God's sake, where it was once said, "If you want the mob to lend you an ear, shout beer, socialism and Deutschland."
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad
The late Milwaukee Mayor Henry Maier ended the city's tradition of socialist burgomasters in 1960, but Maier knew two out of three could still do the trick. As Maier brainstormed ideas to breath life into a city suffering from blight and flight, he boarded the first plane to the Fatherland -- and the world's greatest beer bash no less, Munich's Oktoberfest.
Maier returned with a plan, and a uniquely-Milwaukee sales pitch: A festival called Summerfest would be "for those who cannot afford golf clubs and summer homes."
The event has exceeded Maier's wildest dreams. Of the masses who walk through the turnstiles, the overwhelming majority are from metro Milwaukee. Roughly 19 percent come from out-state Wisconsin, and about 11 percent seep across the border from Illinois. July 4th crowds are hard to fathom. The economic boost to Brew Town is estimated at more than $126 million annually, supporting 1,720 full-time jobs.
Everyone's drinking
From bottles and cases
All different religions
And all different races
Everybody in this town is drunk tonight
So, just what should we make of this hoo-haa known as Summerfest? It's a classic, that's for sure, but don't take classicwisconsin's word for it. Look at some of the comments posted on the Internet by people who have attended recently:
"At what point do they stop letting people enter Summerfest? 80,000? 100,000? More? Is there a capacity rating? How, without knowing how many people have left, do they keep track of how many people are in the park? I think they need to set a limit. A little while after the fireworks Thursday night, thinking things would have settled down by then, we were trying to move from one stage to another and hit a bottleneck where we were jammed in the crowd for several very long minutes, not moving at all. What would have happened if the people in back of us had gotten aggressive?"
And this:
"It was my first time to the area and I just so happened to hit at Summerfest time, and it was totally awesome. I rocked out, hooked up with some cuties, and got rather blitzzzed. In other words had a really good time, all on my company's expense, which was even better. I hope to hit it again next year. My thanx goes out to all you fest people for a killer time from a California guy. PS. If anyone named Michele H reads this then E me OK??????? (Special thanx to her) Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
And finally:
"Summerfest has done so much for the community, they employ hundreds of kids from Milwaukee, it keeps them off the street, earning honest money. There is a program called Operation Summer Chance, which helps all the youth employed by Milwaukee world festivals prepare for college. There is even a scholarship for everyone involved in the program!!! Not only is Summerfest a great time for all, it is also very good for the community, my job there is what helps me pay for college, and I enjoy every minute I spend working the entire summer at the biggest musical festival in the world!!!"
Well then, there you have it.
Oops, one other thing:
They're drowning their troubles
Drowning their sorrow
They'll start up again
When they wake up tomorrow
Everybody in this town is drunk tonight
*Special thanks to Pat McCurdy for permission to reprint lyrics to "Everybody in This Town is Drunk Tonight." For the complete Pat McCurdy song library and information on his upcoming performances,
visit www.patmccurdy.com. He'll be performing near you. Go. See Pat.
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